If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
