How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
