Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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