Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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