I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
