good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
