im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
