She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
