I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
