dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No subtext here. People are naked.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
