Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
