It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
