glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
one two three fourrrrnication!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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