Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
