I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
