I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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