I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
