May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
now i know why i became what i already was.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
