so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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