we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
