I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
