just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You did what with his pubic hair?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
