So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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