They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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