My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
