i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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