While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
