He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
