8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
