grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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