just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
