Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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