i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
