I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
