So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
