He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
