u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
