I can tuck mytits in my pants
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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