Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We got so high we made milksteak
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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