I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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