apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
