I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
