everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize