you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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