i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We're too hungover to prance.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
