It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
