Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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