I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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