sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
