About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
