dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
