shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
