I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
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