So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
