Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
