she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
