the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
