youre lurking in front of me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
