Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
