Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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