I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
