We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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