Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
