There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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