the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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