all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
