Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize