You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
